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I’ve talked a lot about how Rae came to live with me but now I want to tell you more about the little girl who has stolen my heart.

I asked my social worker what it was about Rae that made her think she’d be perfect for me. She said it was because Rae was such a good baby, calm and happy, and with me adopting alone she couldn’t foresee there being any problems with the transition. She obviously knew what she was talking about. Rae was actually the last baby my social worker placed before she retired and I’m so thankful to her. If I could say thank you to her every day for the rest of my life it wouldn’t be enough (I won’t though, I don’t think she’d thank me for that).

I’m not going to go in to any detail about why Rae was put up for adoption because that’s her business. Let’s just say her biological parents were unable to care for her to the standard she deserves. I plan to be as honest with Rae as I can and she will know from an early age that she had a tummy mummy but I’m her forever mummy. When people hear the word adoption they automatically assume she’s had a bad start to life but this couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s had a better start to life than some children who aren’t put in care, thanks to her foster parents. In January this year the adoption was finalised which means I have the same legal rights as if I’d given birth to her myself. And she’s all mine.

Everyone that meets Rae falls in love with her. Her smile literally lights up a room. She’s a very sociable and confident baby and will go to anyone who wants a cuddle. She’s far from a clingy baby which became very apparent when she recently started nursery. I stayed in the room for the first session, not that she even knew I was there, she was just off playing. The next day I was to bring her in then leave and sit in reception, filling in paperwork, but obviously stay close by incase she got upset. She’s bound to get upset, I thought, she’s going to realise I’m not there and cry and I’ll have to go back in and comfort her. If I’m honest part of me wanted her to, just so I didn’t have to leave her. So I put her down amongst the toys and kissed her goodbye. I walked towards the door and she watched me leave. I looked through the window on the door expecting to have to go back in. She just did a little shrug, turned around and crawled off to play. Not even a crocodile tear. She could have just squeezed one out to make me feel better! In all honesty I’m glad she didn’t get upset because I imagine it’s heartbreaking having to prise your child from around your neck and leave them screaming for you.

When I look back on pictures from 10 months ago she has changed so much. She’s definitely more vocal and mobile now! She’s currently at that stage where everything frustrates her because mummy does not understand what ‘uh uh uh’ means. This can result in a tantrum to rival Mariah Carey being told her water isn’t room temperature in her dressing room. If books are to be believed, at 18 months old Rae is a late starter as she isn’t walking yet and ‘hiya’ and ‘yes’ are about the only words she’s says in context. I hear Dada all the time which proves it is just a noise baby’s make (sorry Dads). It won’t be long before she is walking though, she can do it holding on to things and yesterday took one step away from the sofa so we’re nearly there. Aside from the tantrums she is an absolute delight to be with. When she puts her arms around my neck and squeezes and we say ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ over and over again (ok Rae’s comes out as ‘uh uh uh’ but I know what she means this time) my heart could just burst out of my chest. We do this at least 3 times a day, it’s our little ritual now. I’m not her favourite person though. When my 6 year old niece is around no one else gets a look in. They absolutely adore each other and it is so amazing watching their relationship grow. I’m very close to my sister and see her and my niece every day, so they will grow up almost like sisters instead of cousins.

During the adoption process I had to ask 3 friends to give me a reference, and just before it was finalised they were all asked to give the courts an update on how they felt me and Rae had got on. Without talking to each other all three wrote that they felt me and Rae were made for each other. I absolutely agree.


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