Home » Adoption » “Today my baby became a little girl”

“Today my baby became a little girl”

Its been a while since my last post, I’m back to work properly now and days are merging into weeks and going so fast, so today when I came across this post below on Instagram it definitely made me stop and think. I don’t know who the author is (Google did NOT have the answer to this one) but it definitely sums up me and Rae right now. Before Rae I wouldn’t have taken much notice of this, and definitely wouldn’t have understood the sentiment behind it, but now it’s all too real and my baby is definitely growing into a beautiful little girl.
“Today my baby became a little girl. The change has been coming for a while, even if I didn’t realise it. Her movements shifting slowly. A difference in her stance, her face, her gait. I didn’t see it happen even though I saw it happen, every second of it. That’s the way it always is isn’t it?

I nursed my baby before her nap today, and when we were done she had changed. Asleep in my arms it was clear. In my baby’s place was a little girl: curly girls hair, long limbs, lean body replacing the pudgy body I’ve grown used to.

There was no denying it.

And so I held her today for longer than usual. I held her like the little girl that she is now: head heavy on my shoulder, the weight of her substantial. I let her sleep on my shoulder for a long time, knowing that as long as I sat there holding her, feeling the heavy weight of her little girl body, she would stay mine. I could freeze time, just by holding her, just by sitting very still in this one spot. And when I put her down, as I would have to do eventually, the freezing of time would no longer be possible. And just like that she will grow and grow and grow until she is grown.

There is no denying it.

Enjoy it while they’re little. Everyone says so. They grow so fast. And that phrase seems both so totally true and so totally false at the same time, because in the day to day of it nothing seems fast at all. A meal can take an eternity. A sleepless night a lifetime. And yet everyone says so:

They grow so fast.

And so I want to hold her in my arms a little longer today, because already my baby is gone. Already there is a little girl in her place. And one day not too far in the future there will be an older girl in her place, and then a teenager, and then a young lady. And so, I keep holding her: heavy on my shoulder, the weight of her substantial, in her nursery where time stands still”

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